Q&A with Dr. Mading Wa
You can read the french version here
“I’ve been living with my boyfriend for 4 years now, we have one 2 year old child. Since the birth of my daughter, we don’t spend time together anymore. He’s always out with his friend and comes back late. When I ask him why he’s always gone he gets mad and says i’m too nosy. I’m worried about us, and worse i’m scared that one day he will ask me to leave and replace me with someone else. What should I do?” – Josiane
Mbembe kiri ah Josie. I don’t think the problem is another woman or that he doesn’t like you anymore. The problem is the child. Before you scream, I’m not saying he doesn’t like the kid, i’m saying the kid changed things in your couple. Having a kid change the dynamic of a couple. I’m glad that you’ve noticed that there’s a rift between you two. Most times women get caught up with the child and forget to send love to their partner because all their attention is devoted to the kid. The first thing to do is to find a weekend where you can send the kid away to his grandmother or auntie somewhere. Then, tell your man that you have a surprise for him this weekend and that you will need for him to give you a bit of his time. Hopefully he will be intrigued by it and he will make the time (especially if you insist). Friday night make sure to set up a nice dinner just for the two of you. Make his favourite dish. Be affectionate during dinner. Then talk to him. Remind him how far you’ve come together. Remind him of the good moments. The purpose of this dinner is to rekindle your love and connection. Later on during the night, make sure that the love making is great. Great sex from the person we love is powerful. It clears the mind, and relieve stress. After that, make sure you spend the rest of the weekend as love birds. Go out for a walk in the park. Maybe go for a drink together. But make sure it’s just the two of you. Trust me, by the time your daughter comes back on sunday night things should be back to normal. Just make sure that once a month or maybe more, the two of you spend some time, alone. Good luck.
“What’s up doc. I have a big problem. Every time I have sex with my girl, I come too fast. Like 1 minute, sometimes less. It’s very embarrassing you know. How can I fix it?” Angelo.
Afam, that’s a very big problem. But it’s ok, every problem has a solution. You might suffer from premature ejaculation. It’s an actual condition due to hypersensitivity in your private area. There are few things you can do to fix it:
- Use climax control condoms: There a specific type of condoms that use a lubricant that will numb your penis a little bit. The problem with these condoms is that they can also accidentally numb your partner. Which means she will not feel anything but a weird burning feel. And that’s not good. But that’s a great solution as long as you can find the right brand of climax control condoms.
- Cardio: Remember when in high school your sport instructor made the whole class run. Well maybe you should start running again. Running helps with cardiovascular activity. The more cardio you do, the more stamina (resistance) you build. One thing men don’t realise about sex is that it relies a lot on your stamina and breathing. Controlling your breathing is key to a steady blood flow. You need the right blood pressure down there to maintain an erection.
- Pee: It might sound dumb, but peeing before sex is really important. It helps clear your prostate and reduce the amount of pressure in your urethra. Which leads to my next point.
- Kegel exercise: empty bladder means more control on your kegel muscles. If you don’t know, they’re the muscles that help you move your penis (contract). You should practice your kegel muscles. This is how: contract your kegel muscles and hold them as long as possible before releasing (Start simple, contract your penis for 5 sec then release). Do that exercise 10 mins every day. Why? because if you can hold your kegel muscles, then you can hold your ejaculation. So the more you practice, the better you’ll get at controlling your ejaculation. So make sure to practice.
- Practice: Have sex. Lots of it. You’ll get better with time. Practice makes perfect.
I will also add that you should not be scared to talk about this with your girlfriend. Also, don’t make weird comments when it happens. Just try to explain the condition to her and tell her about the steps I just shared with you, especially step number 5. I’m sure she will be glad to help. Good luck to you!
Thank you for all your questions, I’m glad to be able to help you with your issues. Don’t be ashamed about what you’re going through, I’ve seen and heard it all. I’ll be waiting for your questions. firstname.lastname@example.org